The first sign of madness

Hello You!
 I don't know who you are or even if you are and so i feel it might be comforting to imagine that I am talking to a dear friend. How are you? well that was a silly thing to ask I suppose. If you really were a dear friend I could expect a prompt response to that question, but as you are most likely nobody I think I would find it most startling if an answer were forthcoming. Whilst I am still greatly puzzled as to my motivations for continuing to write to you, I must admit that i am starting to quite enjoy it. Its comforting somehow I suppose, to think that my thoughts, once had, are not lost forever through the fast draining sieve of my memory. Its not that i think these thoughts are of any great importance to the world at large, its just that for the most part they are all that I really produce so i would be disheartened to think of them fizzling out entirely. This is why i'm showing them to you.
A friend asked me today what i wanted to achieve and i wasn't entirely sure what to tell her. I envy her for all of her idealistic ambitions about changing the world for the better. I am far to bogged down with the question of what better is to get along with bringing it about. If i am perfectly honest i don't think there is such a thing! when you have reasoned yourself into a spot where all your seemingly moral imperatives are stripped down to mere preferences its hard to feel all that motivated to change the world in any particular way. This is somewhat limiting on the ambition front, as i'm sure you can imagine, though i think that maybe i have one. Its not a noble ambition, or one whose legitimacy comes from any great authority but nonetheless its achievement is eluding me at this stage in my life. My simple an soul ambition is to be contented. I hope you don't think me hideously selfish, though i suppose i must be. Either way if i am consistent in my imaginings then i have only told this to a dear friend who surely will not judge me too harshly.
All the best (how hypocritical!)
L
xxx