Howdy!
How're things? Good I hope, but if not you have my deepest sympathy. Today I would like to confess something to you, something which has recently begun to cause me some worry.
I Love Milk. Like seriously it is amazing! Its everything that water should be and I can dink pints of the stuff. Not only is it a wondrous liquid in its own right, it has so much potential to reach even greater heights. Unlike many popular drinks, milk responds to shaking in such a way as to produce a beverage almost heavenly. Admittedly some other ingredients are required at this point but if we take a while to review some of the great milkshake flavours and recipes available to the connoisseur then we shall find that so many of these additions have their basis firmly in the delight that is dairy. Ice cream, chocolate, yogurt, butter (peanut, scotch or otherwise); these are the sweetest nectar that life has for us, I am convinced of it. Milk is what mothers give to their babies and is enjoyed by many of the most adorable creatures in this world (seriously, if unconvinced thus far just take a moment now to think about kittens), Surely it is obvious that this substance is the purest incarnation of love!
In this happy little universe that I inhabit, where love really is something that money can buy me from any supermarket, it may seem strange to find me forlorn but this is how I am currently to be discovered. My outlook has turned sour! (sorry couldn't resist...) For this wondrous liquid that i so constantly crave is no longer providing me with the pure and unadulterated joy which I have come to expect. Recently my feelings of bliss following dairy consumption are followed the less pleasant sensations of stomach cramps and nausea! I was in denial until an observer to my distress uttered the dreaded words... 'Lactose Intolerance!'
Is this even possible?! i have been a lifelong lover of milk, would it really betray me at this late stage? Why?! I am yet to thoroughly investigate this line of inquiry fully but the results of personal experimentation certainly point to a correlation between dairy products and my stomach based distress. I fear that i cannot put off attaining a final verdict for much longer, but i do not think I could bear to hear the result that I dread. Bad news would surely result in the sort of low empty feeling which life has taught me can only be combated with lactose heavy treats! Oh I do not think I shall cope! Wont somebody please save me from this whirlpool of dairy despair?!
Ruefully Yours
L
xxxx
